for a minute there, i lost myself

a marriage by any other name...

2011-08-13T05:55:00.002-06:00

shine and i are going to new york. we are getting married, on paper. it is strange to approach this decision. we already have what we consider marriage between us. we have merged everything in our lives. we are family. we are committed. we live together. we plan our lives together. we consider the other person in all decision making. we wear rings that mean symbolize our love and commitment to each other. so now, a marriage in a formal sense. shine proposed the idea to me and i must admit i was a little hesitant or scared at first. not scared to share our lives, because that is what we already do. scared to succumb to this idea that marriage is necessary. that marriage somehow vindicates our promises, our trust, and our love for one another. i thought about this for a while and it seemed like an unnecessary step in our relationship.

so why did i say yes? i gave up my preconceptions of marriage. now, marriage is a celebration of the person i want to spend my life with. because marriage by any other name isn't as sweet. because the love that we have together is worthy of being honored. and i do not mean honored in the sense of registering as domestic partners, because that is not honor. that is another version of separate, but equal. i do not want to take on a name created to marginalize my relationship. because words are important and i want the name that carries the significance and gravity appropriate for what we are. so, marriage it is. in all its legal glory.

i do not expect much to change in the end. our love is enduring. our relationship is healthy. our future is bright. marriage does not enable any of these things. these things enable a marriage. so come october, i will wed the one i love. no longer my girlfriend, an ephemeral term. because words are important. and when people ask if i am married, there will be no confusion or hesitation in answering. she will be my spouse. we will share the same last name. we are getting married, because we can. because there shouldn't have ever been a question about whether that should be allowed in the first place.

mcnoodles

2011-07-30T01:11:00.000-06:00

i have neglected this place. and for that, i am sorry. i have had wonderful developments in the area of life. shine and i have moved to a new place. it's cozy and i love it. we are out of the basement and our space is full of sunshine. i love fruit. bananas, cherries, peaches, nectarines, plums, raspberries, blueberries, everything. and don't let me forget tomato and avocado, the best of them all. little gifts from the earth. i can taste everything. i love being raw. i love every bit of food that i take in.

a few months ago i got accepted into the ronald e. mcnair postbaccalaureate achievement program. this has been an absolute blessing. i conducted a research project for the summer and we are presenting in berkeley next weekend. that was the big part of the summer. but there were so many other things they have been amazing with. developing my academic self confidence has been priceless. i will be applying to phd programs in the fall. something i never even considered until i got in this program and received the guidance and support of such amazing people. what an amazing group with diverse interests and life stories. they have become my friends and i am happy for this. i call them the mcnoodles, in my head. i will forever be grateful for this gift that has been given to me. i am excited to apply (to be done with applying) and to see what the future holds.

life is good. i miss my mother, endlessly. i wish i could share these days with her. i wish she could celebrate my education, as she was always my strongest advocate. i love her more than anything and every day i spend learning and growing is dedicated to her. my father is such amazing support as well. i hope that school takes me in the direction of the islands, so that i can be near my family. i miss them dearly.

i am so happy.

photos

2011-06-12T19:05:00.000-06:00

here are the photos from mexico and LA last month.

gracias

2011-05-22T09:29:00.003-06:00

gracias mexico for...

swimming with sea turtles
crystal clear water
underwater caves
king size bed
pineapples, mangoes, and papaya
warm ocean
sun/tan
ancient civilizations

thank you LA for...

all the raw food and desserts my tummy could desire!
old friends and new family

pictures to come soon.

happy mother's day

2011-05-08T16:34:00.006-06:00

thank you for all the family beach days when we were kids.
thank you for summers of camping on the beach.
thank you for introducing me to such good music at such a young age.
thank you for the family vacations to disneyland, to utah, and to new york.
thank you for being adventurous.
thank you for your laughter.
thank you for all the funny stories you told.
thank you for being "the cool mom" when i was a teenager, even though i didn't know how much i appreciated that at the time.
thank you for introducing me to my favorite author, charles bukowski.
thank you for rex manning day.
thank you for giving me the travel bug.
thank you for getting me braces.
thank you for supporting and encouraging my educational growth.
thank you for all the love and happiness.

a reminder

2011-04-09T06:37:00.003-06:00

the people in my life are precious treasures.

i wish i were a more attentive friend. and i wish i hadn't put you off because of my busy schedule. and i wish i had offered more support. i am sorry you hurt so much. and i am sorry you did not see another way out. <3

grandma avolyn

2010-12-05T02:22:00.007-07:00

thank you for that trip to vernal and jackson hole when i was 13 years old. sorry that i didn't appreciate it then, i was young and didn't think summer vacations with grandma were very cool. but you were amazing and just trying to show me new things. i loved yellowstone with you. i remember when we stopped and gazed at a bison 5 feet away from our car. it was mammoth. thank you for that.

thank you for the outfits you sewed for us when we were kids. that was talent. i wish i could sew like that.

thank you for all the christmas presents that were wrapped with such precision. they were beautiful.

thank you for our lunch together at sundance. i was young and you made me feel like a grown up.

thank you for all the lunches at liberty house, every time you came to visit.

thank you for letting me live under your roof when i went to byu. those were some of the hardest times of my life. i am glad i was living with family at the time. i probably would have been much worse off if i hadn't been.

thank you for not being too mad that time i snuck out with your car when i was 18.

thank you for the car i have now. it gets me around from here to there and everywhere. it has provided me with countless adventures and memories. thank you.

thank you for showing me what a strong woman looks like. and caring and willing to help. and strong love of family.

thank you for adopting my mom.

thank you for thanksgiving dinners and christmas dresses.

thank you for dessert and movie nights when i lived with you. they helped me more than you'll ever know.

i love you. and i will miss you. thank you for the part you played in my life. i know i am a better person for having known you. i always felt love from you. thank you.

remembering

2010-11-21T04:57:00.002-07:00

because i want to remember this.

p90x

2010-09-25T23:23:00.002-06:00

yesterday was the last day of p90x. all finished. i actually didn't work out all the way til the end though. i got a tattoo almost two weeks ago and my leg was painfully swollen, so i didn't work out for a few days. then i worked out like twice and it kind of hurt, but was okay. then i got an infection, probably from over zealous washing then ointmenting up my tattoo too often, trapping in bacteria. so my leg swelled more, hurt more, and i could hardly walk. i went to the doctor and got antibiotics, but was pretty unable to work out from that. once the leg started feeling okay again, i was working + late night studying and skipped working out the rest of the week. i was a little bummed out about the last week and a half, but it didn't seem to affect my weight, i stuck to the diet pretty well. i am proud of what i've done.

here are my fit test results from start to finish.

lost 17.2 lbs total, since day 0

pull ups: 2
(i didn't even mention pull ups before this entry, because i could not actually do one. but now i can... two, in fact)

vertical leap:
day 0: 9.5"
day 30: 11.75"
day 60: 13”
day 90: 14.5”

push ups:
day 0: 7
day 30: 14
day 60: 17
day 90: 21

toe touch:
day 0: - 3" (3 inches short of touching toes)
day 30: - ½" (½ inch short of touching toes)
day 60: + ½" (I can reach ½ inch past my toes!)
day 90: + 2”

wall squat:
day 0: 1:04
day 30: 1:20
day 60: 1:51
day 90: 2:04

bicep curls (10 lbs):
day 0: 31
day 30: 41
day 60: 44
day 90: 46

in & outs:
day 0: 50
day 30: 65
day 60: 76
day 90: 80

the motherland

2010-08-08T21:29:00.003-06:00

thank you my good pal, kiesha, for tipping me off to a low airfare special going on from la to hawaii. we purchased tickets immediately. thank you to my sweet father for purchasing our tickets from slc to la. my girlfriend and i will be visiting the island and seeing my wonderful family from oct 8-16, then staying the night in la to visit her family. i love having family. i love having a partner. i love when all our paths are able to cross. i am excited for this. the countdown has begun.

too much/not enough

2010-07-19T18:35:00.001-06:00

too much time away from my babe.
too much worry in this noggin.
too much awake in these eyes.
too many hours on my time cards.
too much wonder about what if's.

not enough sleeping in.
not enough kisses.
not enough sweet treats.
not enough yoga.
(i can't believe i just said that. who am i?)

ordinary

2010-07-13T12:47:00.003-06:00

i am feeling a bit ordinary in my appearance. i miss the holes in my face. and something interesting on my head. i feel a little too grown up sometimes.

forgotten

2010-07-12T02:19:00.000-06:00

there are people that i have met that i have loved, thought they were amazing, connected with. and i don't know them anymore.

i am up late tonight, missing my girlfriend and our puppy. and apparently that has triggered insomnia in me. so after cleaning the freezer and the food pantry, i started wandering around on the internet. i logged on the myspace, which i very rarely ever log on to anymore. i browsed people's pages. i read some old messages. there are people that i think are great. that i used to hang out with and have fun times, interesting conversations, meaningful moments, and such. i don't see these people anymore. i don't even know them. i'd like to reconnect somehow, but feel too weird/silly to message them now. so many years later, and somewhat forgotten for a while, but i realize i miss them. and i wonder if i am missed by any of them. i am happy for those moments. and i will let them live where they lived and not try to rekindle anything. because things like that should be effortless. connections shouldn't take prompting. they should just spark and ignite and burn. and when they burn out, they are gone. but the fire was brilliant while it lasted.

the lake

2010-07-09T16:23:00.008-06:00

we went camping again for 4th of july weekend. we went up to some lakes. the mosquitoes were vicious. somehow i am immune to them. but shine and saba are not. they were bitten more times than i can count. so we cut the trip short, to save them the misery of more bites. besides the bites, the camping trip was beautiful and a nice break from the city. in case you are wondering, those rock sketches we did with charcoal from the fire.

camp fire

2010-07-09T15:12:00.007-06:00

these are pictures from camping. shine, saba, and i went up to the uinta's for my birthday. i loved it. when the sun shone, it really burned up the air. and when the night came, we shivered in our tent. saba really loved it out there. she ran around and explored through trees.

the thing with feathers

2010-05-23T21:52:00.005-06:00

i hope to return to school in the fall. finances are still hovering over head. the next two years will be spent soaking up knowledge and love with my partner and irreplaceable moments with my best friends. and hopefully some time in the islands to see my family, watch those nieces and nephews blossom.

i want to travel. i want to teach english in foreign countries; to drown in culture and save some serious money. when all is said and done, i hope that shine and i will have a piece of land in a foreign country that we love. and that plane rides to the states aren't too expensive.

california [in pictures]

2010-04-30T23:22:00.008-06:00

school days

2010-04-29T23:26:00.003-06:00

i went to transfer student orientation today. i registered for classes for the fall. i'm almost a real life student again. it has been years and years. this time feels pensive, yet apprehensive at the same time. i am taking math, french, communication & social responsibility, and gender & politics.

vacations are for lovers

2010-04-24T06:25:00.004-06:00

shine and i went to san francisco and did touristy things. chinatown, golden gate park, fisherman's wharf, walked across the golden gate bridge. saw thom yorke/atoms for peace in oakland. the shows were amazing. went to coachella. jonsi was like listening to heaven. then la. then tempe. picked up shine's dog and brought her home with us for the summer.

this is a very abbreviated version of our trip. i am tired.

soon, i will post some pictures. they are more interesting than words.

things to come

2010-03-02T13:19:00.003-07:00

i realized it has been since the first of the year that i've jotted anything down in here. see, i have another journal that i write all the intimates in, but i still like to post in here from time to time to mark the really special things in life.

so, since the first of the year, here is the big news.

shine started school. what an inspiration. i hope to join her in academic pursuits later this year. terror and excitement arise, side by side.

i had the lucky fortune of going to la to see radiohead play in a really small venue. afterward, we snuck into the after-party and managed to meet the entire band, one by one. i asked thom yorke to dance. it was a thrill.

my brother played in the super bowl, for the second year in a row. his team, unfortunately, did not win. but what a blessing it was to gather with family and spend days in the florida sunshine. i love having shine in my family.

and a few things to come...

coachella with shine in april. this road trip will hopefully be extended to include thom yorke shows in oakland before hand and a mini-vacation in san francisco.

picking up sabastiana (shine's dog in tempe) on our way home from coachella. i am really really excited about this!

the spring and summertime with shine, no interruptions.

school in the fall, hopefully.

new york in october, if all things fall in to place.

i am happy in my life and with my life partner.

ciao 2009, buon giorno 2010

2010-01-01T12:47:00.001-07:00

grazie 2009 for being so wonderful. even with the hardships that you carried in, you were still good to me. i had so much fun. i learned. i grew. i traveled. i loved. i am happy for our time together. ciao.

buon giorno 2010, i am eager to get started. during your reign i would like to...

decide what to do about school and start doing that. either finish my bachelors or get a certificate for TESOL.

save money for trips/moving in the future.

spend time and have fun with shine.

get comfortable with italian.

talk to shine, all the time.

be healthy.

i feel so happy about this new year. i feel amazing with my love.

thank you.

2009-11-26T07:28:00.004-07:00

thank you mom. for instilling individualism, passion, love of music, empathy for others, and adventure in me. thank you for all the support and encouragement you gave me. you were an amazing woman and my heart warms at the thought of you. i miss you very much.

thank you dad. for always being there when i need you. thank you for being dependable and loving and giving. i love you.

thank you aaron, tanya, monica, darwin & sophia, and the unga's. for so many years of laughter and adventures.

thank you shine. for sharing your heart with me. for joining our lives together with such grace. i love every day with you.

thank you besties. for always being there for me. for having fun and being silly and remembering to laugh and making me feel good about myself and compassion. i am eternally grateful.

thank you radiohead. for making genius music and having phenomenal shows that drag me all across the country and sometimes outside of it.

random

2009-11-15T07:15:00.003-07:00

some pictures from my phone.

i am a good baby sitter.

elyjah. i miss him!

jack-o-lantern i carved before halloween.

i took the holes out of my face. for my job. i kind of miss them a little. bored/tired on my graveyard shift.

if i wrote you a symphony...

2009-11-01T12:01:00.004-07:00

our struggles are becoming less by the day and i am grateful for that. our smiles are abundant and our love is endless. we are creating a home together. my heart feels like it is going to burst at the seams; there is so much hope and happiness stuffed in there.

acrobats fall

2009-11-01T11:49:00.003-07:00

gold leaves fly off skinny branches
cold gusts under their bellies
twirl like acrobats
doing somersaults in midair
fall to the ground
like a parachute forgot to open

kiss in

2009-07-27T21:11:00.001-06:00

my girlfriend and i are in this promo video for the kiss-in on august 15th.

hawaii, so far

2009-07-13T23:14:00.007-06:00

i have been in hawaii for 24 days. here are some of the things i have done, via my camera phone.

the pictures loaded in backwards and i am too lazy to reorder them. so, they start with the most recent.

laie falls

hiking laie falls trail

sign outside someone's gate by the beginning of laie falls trail

coconut husks in my neighbor's yard. that sign is not at my neighbor's yard.

isaiah and elyjah. nephews.

shark's cove. niece and nephew, indica and elyjah

my friend's daughter, eva, chowing down on some pineapple on the 4th.

sunrise at kakela beach

laie point
laie point

nephew elyjah
nephews and niece. isaiah, elyjah, and kajlee on a swing at clissold's beach

me and my nephews, elyjah and isaiah, at waimea beach park

laie days

2009-06-29T12:25:00.003-06:00

my days in hawaii are long lasting. every inch of my skin is painted and plastered in sunlight. the air is thick and it hangs low and clings to me like spiderwebs as i walk. the roosters are screaming trumpets in the morning. there is nothing to alarm about. seems quite unnecessary to rouse my senses this early in the day. i do miss the quiet and still. light breathing and silent airspace between my head and anywhere else. this house is a cacophony of clashing and banging and lumbering footsteps and hollering tongues.

wrote this somewhere in the south americas

2009-05-15T02:50:00.005-06:00

i am breathing in the air of so many countries. savoring the flavors of these people. of their streets and buildings and trees and oceans. looking at everything around me and memorizing what it feels like. to walk with the ancient earth beneath my feet. and the clouds in my chest. so many tongues spitting words at me like darts. they roll around in my head like tornados. spilling out, landing in a messy pile on the floor. every now and then i pick one up. put it back in my head and it stays there. maybe one day i'll pick it up. the language, that is. all the words. that'd be nice. for now, i'm just a tourist.

for a minute there...

2009-03-28T22:39:00.000-06:00

okay. breathe in. breathe out. here goes.

i have not updated in a long time. i have not known exactly how to write this out. avoiding thinking about it, mostly. some kind of denial mechanism, i suppose to keep me sane.

my mom died. i went home for two weeks for the funeral. my house there is different without her. it is a much sadder house without her in it. that house makes me think of her. of my whole growing up.

now i am in south america with my girlfriend. a few weeks ago we flew to mexico city. we are there for a week. we see radiohead twice. i climb some pyramids, go to a few museums, a few parks, a few everythings. it is a fun city.

then we fly for nearly a whole day to rio de janeiro. it is hot and humid there. more humid than anywhere i've ever been. buckets of sweat roll down people's necks. pages in books crinkle from straight lines to s curves. we see radiohead there too. brazillians are enthusiastic, to say the least. the beaches are pretty grand, sand like crystals.

we hop on a bus, 6 hours, to sao paulo. sao paulo is supposed to be something like new york, i've heard. i do not see it. *shrug* it is a city like any other city, in my opinion. we eat at the best food place there though. a vegetarian buffet, with probably 80% vegan options. it is delicious and wonderful and the easiest to figure out vegan dishes at. we also find an ice cream parlor that has about 10 vegan ice cream options and a lot of toppings. it is self serve and therefor a lot of trouble. i feel like a kid in a candy shop. i try 4 of the ice cream flavors and 3 toppings, all lumped into a waffle bowl. it is something like heaven, i imagine. we also see our final radiohead show in this city. amazing sound and very special to see it with my arms around my girlfriend.

we get on another bus, this time 12 hours, to foz do iguacu, brazil. we are very near the brazil/argentina border. we spend two days in this little town. we take a day trip to the iguacu waterfalls. it is beautiful. beyond beautiful.

we hop the border over to argentina. we stay in an even littler town to see the waterfalls from the other side. this time we get to go right up to the ledge of the gigantic waterfall at the end. it is spectacular. stunning. breathtaking. these descriptors don't do the intensity of this final booming waterfall any justice.

we get ourselves on another bus, 18 hours long, to buenos aires, which we arrive to this morning. we are staying with flor, which is absolutely lovely. it's nice to see a familiar face and she is an absolute doll about showing us things. so we have a few weeks here, then we will make our way to chile and peru. some talk of uruguay is happening, so we might end up there at some point also.

this trip especially makes me love and miss my mom more. my mom was a traveler. she was supportive of me going on this trip. she wanted me to have so much fun. she gave me some money, when i fell short of having all the money i needed for tickets right away. i bought the tickets the day before she died. i wish i could have gone on trips like this with her. i will always remember our vacations as kids. she saved so hard to take us places. she was really a treasure. i will never know anything as hard as this. as hard as losing her. every other pain that can befall me will pale in comparison to this one.

life today

2009-02-04T17:44:00.003-07:00

any real concept of time completely evades me. i do not feel 26. it shocks me over and over again when i am reminded of my age. what year is it again? 2009? yeah, don't feel that either.

i am glad i do not have a responsible concept of time. i don't feel rushed. i have given up the societal pressure for formal education for the time being. i will reevaluate that at some undetermined future moment. but for today, i feel like i am living my life. living. actually living. not working. not over working. not getting through today so that tomorrow i can live. i'm alive today and i'm taking advantage of that.

i am so happy. i think the happiest i have ever been. i am secure with myself. there is no second guessing or constantly looking back. only forward motion. i have the most amazing compilation of people in my life. my heart has been shaped by each of them. my girlfriend is such a wonder. our days and nights together are like magic. my friends are like no other. the most stunning people i know. seriously. i can't even put it in words the amount of love and laughter and help and hope they have given me. and for that i am grateful. my family is amazing. we are not without our problems, naturally. but, i don't have a worried mind about them. i know there is enough love to keep us afloat.

2009

2009-01-02T11:35:00.004-07:00

new years is pretty arbitrary and i don't ever feel reborn or anything like that. the spring time is when things really feel renewed to me. but it's impossible to not feel the excitement in the air right now. with my move in particular. i am so sad that i will be leaving my amazing friends in salt lake. i am in love with them all, they mean everything to me. they have changed my life. but juxtaposed to those feelings are feelings of happiness and excitement. i am eager to spend time with this special girl of mine. i look forward to the growth that i'm feeling. the roots are in place. and i can't wait to nurture them and watch leaves sprout and spring time blossoms emerge. i am constantly enamored with these thoughts of her and i.

so, in the spirit of this new year, i have some pieces of my life i would like to focus on.

in my relationship, i will be trusting and open to trust. two things i have been afraid of before. i feel more welcome to them today and every day.

in my personal life, i will reconnect with the water, particularly the ocean. it's in my blood and i have been separated from it. i want to swim and swim and swim.

in my family life, i will visit my family in hawaii. i have nieces and nephews that are growing and i am missing it. i want to be there to see their development. children are so remarkable and constantly changing. i have the most amazing mother and i really miss her heart and her love in person, and i want to feel that.

these are my scattered thoughts of today and of the new year.

az, mx, sa

2008-12-07T11:57:00.004-07:00

friends, i have decided to run off to arizona. salt lake has my heart, but i need to see other things and be in other places while i'm still young enough to do it. i am getting rid of my things, one by one. whatever fits easily in my car can come, but that's it. no storage unit. no holding on to things. just forward motion.

the plan is loose right now, but here it is:

live with my brother in arizona and spend lots of time with my amazing baby nephew. watch him grow a little.
spend time with the girl i like.
until march.

then, it's off to mexico. a few weeks long. radiohead in mexico city. i want to climb ruins. feel something authentic.

then from here is where the plan gets a little fuzzy to me. i don't know the order of things to come, but i know that it includes brazil, peru, argentina, radiohead... and a few more places. that girl, the one i like... she's in charge of the routing.

so that should keep me full up til april. then, who knows.

p.s. i am 100 days sober. i am in love with life in a whole new way.

election '08

2008-11-05T10:13:00.004-07:00

a hotel full of hoping, hugging, and cheering. i squeeze through throngs of people plastered in voting stickers and democrat gear. a cacophony of clapping erupts every time a state gets painted blue on the tv. we make our way out of the mass of people and hide downstairs in the restaurant's lounge. there is less hysteria down here. we slide into a corner booth and watch the end results from there. obama wins! everyone explodes with excitement and congratulations.

obama finally takes stage. his acceptance speech is inspiring. what a superb speaker he is. he makes me fall in love with speech, debate, and politics all over again. democrats well pass their needed seat numbers to have control of both the house and the senate. so it's a blue day on capitol hill.

celebration is still thick in the air with obama moving in to the oval office and the dems controlling congress. but there is a gloomy cloud hanging right overhead as florida, arizona, and california all ban gay marriage and arkansas bans gay couple adoption. *sigh*

i'm rather disheartened by the efforts that people go through to keep the gay population down and disenfranchised. i don't live in that reality. the people i surround myself with are open and accepting. i forget most often that outside my circle is a lot of hate. times like these feel like a slap in the face.

good news: prop 2 in california passes. you have to take the victories where you can. and this is a big one for farm animals.

i am an eternal idealist and i am still hopeful. hopeful that people will come around. some day. and hopeful that i might even be around to see it.

falling

2008-10-17T11:02:00.004-06:00

fall is here and leaves drop like confetti in the streets. i walk down cracked sidewalks and their yellow corpses crunch beneath my feet. i am utterly in love with this city in the fall. i need to roam through the canyons before the colors fade and bare winter takes over.

i miss the summer. i miss being surrounded by friends. i feel lonely in sobriety. i can see how light the bonds i had with most people really are. we declared our devotion in drunken bliss. how enamored we all were with each other. and now that i've given up the drink, it seems like my friends are dropping like flies. i am adjusting and becoming okay with this. i have strong bonds with few, instead of weak bonds with many. this is good, i tell myself.

summer nights of days gone by

2008-10-04T01:33:00.008-06:00

i saw a familiar face at the coffee garden the other night. tessa. she looks well and i am happy. seeing her transposes me to last summer. last summer filled with late nights on her porch. endless hours of conversation. middle of the night slurpee adventures. she was a breath of fresh air. it's crazy how just seeing someone's face and hearing her voice takes you right back there again. makes me happy to remember those days and warm summer nights with that one.

let the sun shine in

2008-10-01T02:21:00.001-06:00

i have been happy. the sun shines really bright here. i take my shoes off and feel the grass between my toes. i breathe in deeply. i ride my bike and i have music in my ears, constantly. i soak up the people around me. i kiss their cheeks and hold their hands and give long, lingering hugs. i'm very much in love with today.

2008-09-29T01:50:00.003-06:00

i do not post on here nearly as regularly as i should. i really forget i even have it.

so, since my last update:

i went to california at the end of august. i played with my best friend drew in san francisco. i saw radiohead at outsidelands festival. then i drove down to LA with some friends and played down there. i saw radiohead a bunch more. twice in hollywood, and then once in san diego and once in santa barbara. AMAZING! hollywood bowl night 2 is my new favorite radiohead show ever. it is arguable their best set list of the north american tour. it is easily the best set list of the 9 shows i saw on this tour.

i am working 2 jobs now. both at rehabs. one is an outpatient substance abuse and domestic violence treatment center. the other is a residential substance abuse treatment for adolescents. i love both of my jobs. they afford me excessive freedom in the way i dress and look. they do not however pay me very much, which is precisely why i am working two jobs now. i am saving up for a couple pretty sweet tattoos. exit music lyrics. charles bukowski poem. ball of yarn w/ knitting needles. and a seahorse. oh, i did get a new tattoo about a month ago. it's a band-aid on my knee. i'm pretty much in love with it.

oh, i guess i could just post a picture of it. yes, i will. here:

oh, and i also got blonded. here's that:

radiohead!

2008-08-08T09:01:00.005-06:00

so, i went to chicago last weekend to go see radiohead. chi town was too much fun! i got in on thursday. met up with a bunch of radiohead people and we geeked out pretty hard, watching radiohead at the 10 spot footage and bootleg berkeley night 2 footage. friday was lollapalooza. it was HUGE! i didn't realize how freaking big grant park is until we got there. it was hot and sticky. i had lots of fun. radiohead headlined the show. there was an estimated 200,000 people in and around the park area for the show. festival crowds bug me when watching radiohead, lots of drunks and obnoxious singing.

and then we drove to indianapolis to see radiohead again. no big festival this time. thank god. just radiohead in an amphitheater. grizzly bear opened for them. grizzly bear was amazing. radiohead was phenomenal. one of the best shows of theirs i've seen. i was on the rail. sooooo close! oh, and i got ed's guitar pick! sweet!

ok, picture time!

this is gina. i met her in texas (at radiohead shows). she lives in chicago. we all stayed at her place. here we are on the 96th floor of the hancock building, drinking our fancy drinks.

from left to right: joe from louisville, chris from LA, gina from chicago, me, liz from chicago

me, chris, and gina in millennium parkl

waiting at lolla for radiohead to come on

that's just my friends bubbles and michael and i hanging out. no big deal.

ok, these are from the indy show! thom yorke.

jonny greenwood

ed o'brien

4th of July in the AZ

2008-07-10T14:00:00.003-06:00

i went to arizona to visit my brother (aaron), his wife (nalani), and their brand new baby boy (kainoa). he was born june 21st. he is just about the most adorable thing i've ever seen. he's a doll. he hardly ever cries and he has a lot of expression in his face! i love him!

camping

2008-07-02T11:59:00.001-06:00

gina. well, gina is a girl i am dating. i met her at sundance in january and we've been dating off and on (mostly on) since then.

gina and i went camping last weekend. the first night we went up pretty high and camped next to a mound of snow. i've never camped next to snow before. It was pretty cold. the second day we took it down a little and camped in a warmer spot. It was super hot during the day. luckily, we were camped right next to a stream. freezing cold stream, but it sure did the trick in the hot utah sun.

twilight...
morning...

donut falls...

that is juneau, gina's dog.

first things first

2008-06-30T12:14:00.000-06:00

good news. i am starting a blog. yes, exciting i know.

first things first, if you are one of my hawaii peers, go here: http://808update.blogspot.com/
jacob kongaika put this blog together with updates of people from home. neat!
i have an update on there that is pretty recent.

i will write in here a little later, when i'm not at work.